Age Related Issues

I get it.  I look young.  Really, really young.

I don't think I look particularly young.  But, as I've said before, I've had the luxury of seeing myself age.

Others haven't.  And I come in contact with others often enough to realize that I must look quite young.  Because they mention it all the time.

I typically see it as an ice breaker.

You know, I might say, "Hey, nice skirt," to break the ice with a stranger.

Others break the ice with me by saying, "Hey, don't you need a parent to see this PG-13 movie?" (And yes, I have had my age questioned when going to a PG-13 movie by myself.  I was in college.  It was very...memorable.  I even had to show my college ID to go into the theater.  For a PG-13.)

Anyway, I usually brush off these encounters.  And it is normally easy to brush them off because people tend to stay in the 'ice breaker' territory.

Them: Are all these boys your little brothers?
(And I am always cast as the older sister or babysitter.  Never a nanny.  Nanny would indicate college age.)
Me: No.  They are all mine.
Them:  No!  What?  You mean?  No!  How old are you?
Me: Older than I look.

And they usually leave it at that.

However, occasionally I run into some that like to push the edge of 'ice breaking' boundaries.

Encounter Number One:

A short while ago, I took the boys to the doctor's office to get five's cast removed.  The doctor, who incidentally looks like he must get a lot of what I get for ice breaker topics, has a nurse.  And that nurse was very curious.  She asked the usual questions about my youthful look.  Let's pick up the conversation where I state:

Me: I'm older than I look.
Nurse: You can't be that much older.  How do you have all these boys?  How old are you?
Me: Old enough.
Nurse:  How many years do you have?

At this point I am giving her my "seriously" eyes - as in, you seriously just asked me twice how old I am? Point blank?  ...  All right.  You win.

Me: I'm thirty-three.
Nurse: No!  I don't believe it!

Well then...why did I bother telling you my age?!

Next time someone pushes that way, I just might tell them that I am sixteen.  And yes, all these boys are mine.  Just to see how they react.

Encounter Number Two:

At the pool the other day, we ran into a couple of other people.  Some moms, other kids, some old men.

The old men were nice enough.  When five went to sit in the jacuzzi (and I went with him to keep an eye on him), the two men were friendly without being skeevy.  The older of the two was quite talkative.  And as an ice breaker topic he brought up how young I looked.

We went through the typical conversation: how young I look, how I couldn't possibly be old enough to be the mother of all those boys, how I could easily pass for a teenager, how he couldn't believe it, how I should do undercover work.

When it gets to this point in the script, I usually tell them that my sister is a cop, has the youthful looking features as well, and has, indeed, done undercover work, posing as a teen.  (I like to throw this out there to keep people aware that they should stay away from teens in that way, because you never know when it might be an undercover cop.  Just doing my part to keep shady men in line.)

Anyway, it all went well until:

Man: Well, I still just can't believe it.  (Looking at his friend) Can you believe it?
Friend: Nah, I can't believe it.
Man: I should take a picture of you to show to my wife.  She'll never believe it.

Okay.  I wasn't getting a shady vibe from these men at all.  But....I've never had anyone want to take a picture of me because they couldn't believe my age.  I didn't know what to say.  Not that time.  Not the next three times that he mentioned taking a picture of me.  Thank goodness he forgot his phone (camera) at home.

What would you say?  Just in case that happens again, I need a catchy comeback prepared.  I don't want to be caught flat-footed and find myself saying cheese while wondering how the heck that happened.

At some point, I would really like to look my age.  I would really like to be taken for an adult.  For Pete's sake!  I am practically middle-aged and I can't convince people that I am at least legal age.

Even the boys have learned the script by now.  While Five was listening to this exchange with the men in the jacuzzi, he piped up with, "Yeah, she gets that all the time.  But, she's my Mom."

Indeed, I am.  Whether I look old enough or not, I have actually lived through all these thirty-three years. And let's just hope that I start aging soon.  Or I will spend the next three decades insisting to others that I really am closer to fifty than twenty.