I Knew It

Three and I have had quite the adventure when it comes to school.

He has no interest.  I think it is important.  We were at an impasse.

However, if we lived in the old days, I would have given up the ghost long ago and let him go work outside or in a factory or something.  He just does not care to sit at a desk for hours and hours to learn something.  I get that.  And I would totally have let him go and do - then.  But you can't do that today.  It would be called child abuse to let your kid not go to school.

So we tried to work within the system.

But after many struggles with him about taking it seriously, I gave up several months ago and said it's homeschool.

Homeschool could offer flexibility with regard to content and structure.  He could take robotics classes or coding classes.  He could finish work at his pace.  I thought it might be more functional for him.

And while Three is very, very social and I didn't want to take him away from a social setting, I was tired of the fight.  And the seeming cluelessness from him about what he was supposed to do at school in the first place.  Like I said, sitting down at a desk and learning from a book just doesn't interest him.

Even though we talked about homeschool as an option for him before, he seemed blindsided that I might be serious.  So I gave him a choice.  Homeschool or we go back to therapy to work through some of these issues.  He chose therapy.

(For the record, we have done therapy before to work through the bonding and adoption process with him.  Therapy is awesome and helpful.  And there is nothing wrong with having help when you end up in a power struggle with your kid.  It is not failure.  It is taking advantage of a super helpful tool.)

So off we went.  It was great during the summer when there was no real school responsibility.  We worked on setting up little markers or responsibility to get us ready for school. (I agreed that he could go to regular school if he participated in whatever the therapist had us do.)

School started.  And so did the struggle.

And every week my question was always, can he not do the work or does he just not care?  The question matters because it alters how I tackle the problem.

His therapist worked with both of us to get through some of the power struggles and set expectations.  She talked me off the cliff repeatedly.  And I felt like I was hauling this kid up the school mountain on my own.  He said it mattered to him to be in a regular school setting but he didn't always show it.  Which added to the frustration.

I feel like I should interject and say how awesome he is in general.  As a person, as a son, he is great.  Really great.  We love him to bits.

We just needed to get on the same page with regard to school.  Because we sort of think it is important long term for him to graduate high school and maybe have some options for future employment.  Silly parents.  Always thinking two steps ahead of their kids.

So this week is finals week.

After a rough start and a short power struggle this last weekend, he got on board with the studying.  He worked hard.  He studied.  He took initiative to sit down and work on his notes, making notecards, rereading chapters.  (After seeing him taking it seriously, I was prepared to be proud of him no matter his test score.)

However, his major score was posted tonight.  And he aced it.  I mean, he rocked the socks off the final test, which covered 11 very boring chapters (and yes I mean that as I read the chapters with him).

He earned an A+.

He quickly realized a few things:
*Earnestly studying can make a huge difference.
*He can definitely do the age appropriate work.
*He is more than smart enough to get the concepts taught.

I knew it.  I totally knew that if he actually chose to drive his own car, he could do it.

But I can't tell him I told you so.  That would be wrong.

But I can totally tell him how immensely proud I am for getting on board and working hard.  For taking it seriously.  And for acing a very difficult test. And I can get him something that he really wants to show him how seriously I take his attitude change.  (One of his love languages is gifts.)  He is going to love his surprise!

What a stud.

Now let's just hope that that little light bulb that seemed to go off over his head as he checked his score tonight, stays lit and burning bright.  He can do this!  We can do this!