Vacation Scale

Because every woman who is on vacation desires a scale in her hotel bathroom...

...the resort made sure to provide one for every single room.

Because we had two rooms, we had two scales.  

I decided to take them for a spin.  I made sure they were both at zero exactly.  Then I got on.  Then I had a heart attack.  The first scale said I weighed 86 pounds.  Which is about 8-10 pounds less than normal.  

I quickly jumped on the other scale.  It read 98 pounds.  Which was two to four pounds more than normal, but certainly within range.  Phew!  

After my heart stopped beating out of my chest, I pondered the conundrum of the scale.  Being someone who is constantly concerned about keeping weight on my tiny frame, the first scale gave me quite a scare, while the second reassured me that I was not, in fact, disappearing into thin air. 

I, quite clearly, preferred the scale that made me feel a little more tangible and weighty.  

However, I am not like most women.  Most women have the opposite thoughts.  They are (strangely to me) constantly concerned with keeping weight off their frames.  So for them, the first scale would have been a wondrous magical trick, sure to make them feel free to eat their way through all the delicious and tantalizing foods at the resort (which is what I wanted to do the whole weekend - so we are not different in that respect), and the second scale would have scared them enough to think that they had put on weight just by hopping on a plane.  

So, while I would naturally assume that the first scale was quite clearly off weight or broken, I realized that it would never, ever be replaced.  Because no woman in the history of the world (unless they are highly unusual like me - and never fear as I would never ruin the option for other women) would ever report a scale to the management as 'broken' when it tells them that while they are indulging in delicious delicacies on vacation, they are also, at the same time, miraculously losing weight.     

Sadly for the other scale, I worry that it's days are numbered.  Because no woman (except perhaps me) ever wants to be told that they weigh more than normal.  Especially on vacation.  

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And for some related laughs, check out Studio C's 'Weighty Matters'.

Trust me.  You'll laugh.